Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
