I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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