Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
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