During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize