Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
