I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
