Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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