I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
