we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
