I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
