Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
