Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
