having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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