Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
