the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
