You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
