There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
