areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
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