I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
