dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
