You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
