This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
