if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
