He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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