: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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