Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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