it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Well I just put wine in my tea
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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