Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
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She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize