watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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