I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
