I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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