I just made out with a guy for $7.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
