her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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