I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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