If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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