one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
