Christians are straight up FREAKS
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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