NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
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