Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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