..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
