sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
