So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
...so i touched it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
