I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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