Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
