she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Randomize
