Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
