yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
