After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
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Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
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Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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