We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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