My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You may now shotgun with the bride
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
