Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize