This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
