I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
