I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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