I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
