It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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