What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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