A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
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