just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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