Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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