worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
