OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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