is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
