soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
