You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Less talking, more tequila
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
