I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
