what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
