Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
