God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
