were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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