who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
