I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
