I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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