Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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